Wednesday, May 22, 2013
I know it’s been a while, but literally my life has been a whirlwind the last couple of weeks. On one side there is work it is a constant struggle because it’s not very consistent. But that’s part of the package when you enter the world of sales, even when you work for a professional sports teams. Normal people would think it makes your job so much easier but in all honesty it doesn’t.
When a person’s work life tends to be pretty unpredictable, there is usually two things they can rely on for some constancy one of them being family. well at least thats how it works for me. My family and well of course God are the two constant things that always make me feel better no matter what the situation. But these last couple of weeks have been hard for not only myself but the people I love the most because our worlds were rocked with the loss of my beloved gramps Cesar Ylagan. I can’t even describe how loving, caring and supportive this man was. There is not one mile stone in my life that he wasn’t there with me to experience. I will always remember his big smile, the way his face lit up every time he saw me and say, “hey sam how’s it going?” It hurts my heart so much to know that he is no longer with us here on earth. I know he is in a better place, no longer in pain, able to listen to Frank Sinatra non stop as brags to the angels in heaven about how i’m his favorite grandchild (haha I know I will get grief for this later). I know he is watching over us and will always be around but its just not the same as him being here, being able to hold him and just lean in and tell him how much I love him. What saddens me most about his passing is everything that is to come, and how he won’t be here for them. i feel like my family has so much more of our lives to live, wedding, great grandkids, graduations, laughs, smiles and well the list can go on. I am grateful that I was there for the end and he went out the way he wanted to, surrounded by the people that love him the most, listening to his music and just knowing that we would be there with him until his final breathe.
From all this saddens, heartbreak and grieving I have come to the realization that we all have our ways of coping with loss. As I get older, I understand that death will become more common. I am lucky enough to say that at the age of 24 there was only 1 other death that has effected my core. Even though it has been a year and half since Anthony’s death I still think about him every day. I feel that the passing of my grandpa will do the same. Its something I will hold in my heart everyday and can’t see the pain subsiding anytime soon. When it gets hard and seems overwhelming I remember something my grandmother told my brother when all of this was happening. She leaned over to my brother, as my grandfather laid there and said, “Noah you are the last Ylagan and your grandpa wants you to be the best you can be at everything and anything you do.” I know she may not have been talking to me, but I took that to heart. And now I know how I am going to deal with all of this, not only doing my best, but being the best at everything I do.
Grandpa i’ve said it before and I will say it again, I love you to pieces. Please keep an eye on us down here. Until we met again.